Spark2Flame

Does God ever surprise you? I don’t mean a jump-out-of-the-bathroom-and-make-you-wet-your-pants surprise, although if you have a story like that I definitely want to hear it. The surprise was a new revelation of God’s patience and care for me. As in all our meaningful relationships, we grow with each other. In this case, God obviously is not growing but my knowledge and appreciation for Him is.

Here’s how it went down. The other night I found myself pondering a situation where I thought I had messed up or let everyone down or looked stupid or maybe all of the above. What happened really was not a big deal and more importantly, there was nothing I could do to change it at that point. Yesterday, I wrote about leaving people-pleasing behind on my other blog and I think this situation was reflective of this. I was obsessing about something that had happened in the midst of our service Sunday and couldn’t seem to stop even though I tried. The more I thought about it and what I could have done differently, I saw myself as a weak and oblivious goober who didn’t know what to do with himself. The more I thought about it, the more I and the situation became a caricature of what had really happened.

It was at this point that God surprised me. I heard Him say clearly, “You be you and I’ll be Me.” In that moment, my whole perspective changed. I was trying to take the place of God. I thought I could determine what was going on or what impact I was having when nothing could have been further from the truth. I felt such a freedom after I heard God say that, and it reassured me again that God was not angry, disappointed, or upset at my supposed incompetence. I know I should know it already, but I still struggle with it: all I can be is me. The cool thing is that He created me and loves what He created. I can be me and not worry about the outcomes and impact as long as I set my heart on obeying Him and His word.

And that’s the thing. What I was obsessing about was not my sinning (maybe I should spend a little more time obsessing about that instead). I thought something didn’t go exactly like it should have even though I was obeying in the midst of it. I hope I’m not being so vague that you’re missing the point, but if you deal with intense self-doubt or people-pleasing, you probably know exactly where I’m coming from.

I have to continually remind myself of 1 Corinthians 4:3-5,

“I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.”

Now, I’ve got the judging others down to a minimum. I genuinely don’t have a big problem with that, but that judging-myself-thing is where God is really working on me. Those verses just make so much sense though! I’m not qualified to judge anyone else’s heart or motivations so why would I be able to correctly judge my own? My heart is a deceitful mess that needs Jesus. I have believed in the past that certain things were beyond reach only to watch God redeem and restore and let me know, “this is what I created you for.”

I’ve said this many times, but the things I was terrified to do but felt God leading me into are the very things that I find so much fulfillment in now. The devil was wrong, I was wrong, and other people were wrong. God was right and knew what He was doing.

All I can be is me (you may want to pray for my wife and family), but God is not worried about it. I can be me and I’ll let Him be God. He’s much more equipped to handle such a complicated thing. Maybe I need to tell God again what I made my son say, “God, I’m a very smart person, but I don’t know everything.”

What about you—have you ever tried to take God’s place and suffered for it? Has something God said or showed you just surprised you? Tell us all about it below.